Last night I was out with my main squeeze Flapjack at Movida nightclub. We were having an amazing time then who do you think turned up? Yes it was that crack whore chocolate eclair. Well that bitch has had her eye on my man for far too long for my comfort zone. Just coz she's long and thin she think she owns it, well she needs to get with the programme coz my man likes a bit of substance to his woman.
Anyways she comes over and starts flirting with Flapjack, he gets a lot of attention from women because he is packing some serious oats in all the right places if you know what i mean.
Well I wasn't having any of it - I told her to move her skinny butt on and that even a rock cake was too good for her. She still wouldn't budge and whats more my boyfriend starts flirting back!!!!.
Well this whipped my cream into a frenzy and I kicked her right where the sun don't shine. As soon as I did this the club management came running over and ejected me from the premises.
As you can imagine I was in bits imagining my 'ex' boyfriend and that munter en flagrante. I began to cry, Callum Best came over to comfort me and told me I was the sexiest cake he had ever seen.
We got a cab together and I'll leave the rest to your imagination.
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